Not enough hats...

"I enjoy hats. And when one has filthy hair, that is a good accessory."
Julia Roberts

Maybe I have a problem. A wee bit of a problem. I don't play Team Fortress 2 anymore. Not competitively at any rate and I have not launched the program in the last month and a half. Dota has become my main game, but still I trade Team Fortress hats. I don't know why I continue this, perhaps it is the thought that one day I will come back to the game, or that I will be able to cash out of my time investment (I have not put more money in than the average Joe who bought the game in 2007).  You see, my hat collection is worth quite a bit. It is now in excess of $1,000 USD through various trades I have made over the course of the last two years.

Competitive TF2 did that to me. Why, you may ask, did playing competitive TF2 encourage you to buy hats? Well, I was not very good. And, in the spirit of Julia Roberts, I used hats to cover up my filthy playing ability, filthy being used in the negative. I sucked. I still suck, but I believe that I got better through practice and finally finding my niche as a six versus six medic. I played rather well, communicated well, but I was never exceptional. I didn't really practice, or research strategies. I spent far more time searching for deals on TF2 outpost and trying to become rich.

Life is about priorities. I did not put a large emphasis on becoming good at Team Fortress. I had to focus on wrestling and school as well. I had to think about the social aspects of life, seeing friends and enjoying their company. Making money off internet hats was fun, losing a lot in competitive TF2 was not. But in retrospect, I found myself covering up other inabilities of mine up with things. I wasn't good at sight reading music so I learned most of the pieces for band and jazz ensemble by ear, I buy things to make myself feel better even now, but really they are just material objects that leave me wanting for more. This is turning into a cliche soul searching momenet so I shall wrap it up. Besides, I've posted once today already, a mere two hours ago. Am I addicted? Am I writing here because I have no other outlet at this time, with my best friend going four hundred miles away to visit? Probably. So this is my emotional covering, warming my brain or something sentimental.

Hats. They cover things up.